“I can’t even trust myself."
Yup! I make this statement all the time. That one statement you felt never mattered but ruined countless platonic or romantic relationships, as well as family relationships.
Lack of self-trust means having difficulty making choices and often struggling with making decisions because of the fear of making the wrong choice.
I guess I’m not the only one who feels they’ve ruined relationships because of a lack of trust. The moment where you can’t make decisions simply because you can’t understand your abilities, build boundaries, or set standards for relationships.
Lack of Self-Trust: The Fear of Making the Wrong Choice
Lack of self-trust is one major factor in ruined relationships. How else can you trust someone else’s decisions if you can’t trust yours? This will create numerous doubts, uncertainties, and issues in all the relationships you try to build.
First, we need to understand the concept of “the fear of making the wrong choice.”.
We tend to contrast right and wrong decisions, thereby creating false illusions instead of figuring out how to thrive through any situation and navigate adversity.
Take a moment to ask yourself these questions:
Have I discovered my values?
Have I mastered the act and art of saying no?
Do I have boundaries?
Can I stand up for myself when someone tries to cross boundaries and neglect my values?
Understanding and picking out every single detail of who you truly are will help you protect your core values and shun people who try to step on them for their own selfish desires.
Introducing the concept of “lack of self-trust” will help us understand better how to rebuild lost trust in both internal and external relationships and where to start.
(Whoosh! (I wish I knew this earlier.)
It’s never too late to make amendments, they say. So! We can do this!
Do you think it’s possible to build up trust even after it’s broken?
We’ve missed out on a lot of good relationships and life opportunities because of broken trust. Something as grievous as lies, stealing or witnessing someone else’s experience, etc. can ruin a lifetime trust. Now the answer to this question is very debatable and hard to accept.
“Yes”! It is possible to build trust even after it’s broken. (I didn’t believe my eyes and ears the first time I heard it.) You’ve got to consistently prove you’re trustworthy once again to build broken trust. If broken for the second time, there’s a slim chance that you might be given the chance to redeem yourself. Well, give it a try if you’re sincerely sorry.
The process and entire situation are quite delicate. Relationships are built on trust, and you’ve got to do everything and anything right to rebuild lost trust. (We’ll carefully look at some guidelines, so we won’t try to please the other party at the detriment of our own happiness and choices.).
They say, “People forgive, but they can never forget,” which is absolutely natural and true.
Trust can only be earned and regained with conscious effort, and if not done properly, it will cause more damage.
At this point, if you’re the victim or the person who broke the other party’s trust, this is your chance to make deliberate healing choices to either build trust in that current relationship or in the next..
However, the only time we should be considering and reconsidering how to rebuild trust in a broken relationship is when that relationship is worth giving a second chance.
Is this relationship worth saving?
Is your partner aware of this new change and choice?
Are you truly sorry and willing to make a change?
If yes, then we’re good to go. Both the person who erred and the person who needs to learn to trust again should be willing to put in deliberate efforts to make this work.
Tip 1: Trust takes forever to repair, but first start by communicating your feelings.
Trust is more valuable than money and power. It can’t be sincerely bought but earned. It must be given the attention it deserves. (Note: leave no stone unturned.).
Hence, communicate your feelings and share your thoughts; trust issues and how and why they came about; and lastly, be vulnerable and sincere about the change after confession. Make them understand it’s not necessarily about them but about past circumstances. This is necessary for someone who has not given you a reason to distrust them.
Tip 2: Be transparent; no secrets
With all the burden in your heart and hidden tears in your eyes, share secrets with your partner. Do this only when you’re sure this is a life partner—someone you’d like to share memories and the rest of your life journey with. Hidden secrets destroy relationships on unintended levels.
If you’re reading this with hurt in your heart and pain in your soul, I pray we heal soon. It’s absolutely hard to comprehend and accept, but we’ll be okay. (As far as there’s life, there’s hope.)
Tip 3: Lost trust has its birth truths; figure that out personally and build openness.
It is better to communicate than not communicate at all. Childhood trauma or witnessed experiences should be properly communicated and dealt with, for starters.
Be open with your partner about everything. If you value that relationship, build an atmosphere where both parties can freely communicate. Be specific, and consider every little detail as important information that needs to be communicated with your partner. Do this without holding back or thinking for a second. This will be a little bit hard, but you’ve got to silence your ego and rebuild sincerely. Later on, you’ll notice how important and easy this can be for building lost trust.
Tip 4: Let Your Words Be True and Match Your Actions
Don’t make promises you can’t fulfill. Never compromise for their own interests. This should be mutual. Say what you mean and keep to it. Track your promises and fulfill them. Not fulfilling your promises can build further doubts and ruin the process of rebuilding lost trust. Using temporary sweet words to escape truth or manipulate circumstances will cause more damage than good. It’s okay to make mistakes, but multiple occurrences are perceived as intentional mistakes, so quickly communicate them and repair them.
Tip 5: Be Straightforward And Give Your Partner The Benefit Of The Doubt
Don’t play smart or act dumb; your partner’s not a child. They’ll understand. Dealing with someone who lost their trust in you should be highlighted in whatever decision you’ll take or make. Before making that drastic decision, do not hesitate to tell them and relieve tension and doubt. Not sharing these decisions with your partner is seen as being shady; hence, we’re back to square zero.
Tip 6: Seek Therapy
This healing process needs delicate procedures. The reason for your hurt and the causes have unseen and seen effects that need serious attention. Seek internal and external help. These traumatic memories will come back over and over again, so seek help. If it’s just you and your partner dealing with this alone, create journal therapy to lift these burdens off your chest. Communicate together, share your feelings, and deal with them on the spot.
When trust is broken, look not in the mirror of blame but through the window of growth ~.
This is a tough choice. Trying to put together broken pieces of something that’s already broken. Persistence and conscious, sincere efforts are the keys. Things will never be the same, but it’s worth giving it a try. Relationships are not built on a bed of roses; these challenges and revivals are what strengthen the good and unreal relationships you admire today. Tough times only strengthen us; don’t let them break you.
With a bleeding heart, I hope that with these tips we can fix the broken and do things right. Be true to yourself; do not compromise your dreams and values for anything. You’re more than capable of handling this situation and learning from your mistakes. Keep those rare people you feel can be trusted. It’s a chaotic world out here.
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