Do you want to stop being the victim? Who, after all, spends their life attempting to make other people happy just to feel worthless at the end? Is there a benefit to being too good? What did we do wrong? How did it start? How can it come to an end?
If only we could urge them to stop taking our vulnerability for granted. The question now is, "Will you?"
We’ve got to take actions before it’s too late...
Okay, let's share some secrets!
Hi there, let’s make up a cool story about Mariam.
Boxed in the memories of how she has only tried to help friends, colleagues, and family genuinely, but at the end, it was all a mirage.
They used her to satisfy their selfish pleasures and needs. Making her feel and look dumb and weak. Clueless about their intentions, she only did what she felt was the right thing.
Mariam is a lovely and stunning young lady. Her parents have raised her to see only the positive in the world. She was emotionally and physically bullied as she grew older due to her innocence.
She believed she was only helping people because her parents had taught her to do so. Before she realized how far her naivety had led her, she was drowning in tears and regrets, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, no self-love, anxiety, bad mental health, and being a servant to all.
She will always consider their needs before her own. She never picked fights or quarrels with anyone since she wanted everyone to be happy and at peace with her. In her absence, people talk, say negative things about her, or make her feel like she's always wrong when she attempts to do things that will make her happy.
She was perplexed and devastated by what was happening around her and within her. Even when she wanted to decline an offer or request, she felt shallow and accepted it nevertheless. It was tiring and frustrating.
Mariam put up with this for so long that it turned into an overwhelming feeling of disdain and self-hatred. When she's upfront about her feelings, she's compelled to give in and accept defeat with ease. As a result, she answers yes when she intends to say no and no when she intends to say yes.
Poor Mariam has tried several times to ignore these experiences and live on, but they keep coming back and hindering a lot of life opportunities and decisions. She’s tired of feeling used and boxed like a slave to continuously do things that go against her will.
Luckily, Mariam had a few true friends and significant others who pointed this out to her. As a result, she was able to identify some feelings and secrets hidden underneath people-pleasing behaviors. She calls them “the why's.”
And here they are:
“The Why’s”
These are collective reasons why people pleasers are created to be unique souls to the world but are continuously disrespected and exploited.
1) Seeking Approval & Terrified Of Criticism
Mariam recalled that every time she fell for their traps and pleased them, however, it was simply because she wanted to feel part of something good, plus she had been taught to always seek approval if she needed anything back at home. To the point where she still asks for permission to do anything from her family. She’s also scared of negative criticism and auras, so she tries to blindly paint some evil as good.
The world is no safe zone for people who are polite and considerate when faced with tasks. It’s a competitive world, so you’ve got to hurriedly grab an opportunity before someone else takes your place. We’re continuously pressured to run around in this wild maze where only the fittest, smartest, and trickiest can survive.
The survival of the fittest is the ageless law of nature, but the fittest are rarely the strong. The fittest are those endowed with the qualifications for adaptation, the ability to accept the inevitable and conform to the unavoidable, to harmonize with existing or changing conditions. ~Dave Smalley
With the experience of pleasing people, Mariam can now stand the chance to be a strong survivor and overthrow those who made her adapt to her people pleasing ways. She must carve out her identity, cut some friends off, and engage in activities to regain her true self in order to successfully heal from these toxic experiences.
2) Unnecessarily Apologetic
She expressed empathy and sympathy to everyone at any given chance. She's hoping that it’ll heal them from whatever pain they were facing and that she’ll be rewarded by the universe someday for it. This trait was only seen as being weak and vulnerable to mischievous and wicked people who didn’t care about her self-interest. Mariam grew with this simple trait she learned, and as she grew, she said sorry too often, even when she wasn’t at fault. It’d hurt her feelings so bad that she kept on struggling to speak up whenever she’s hurt and faced with life challenges.
This increased her insecurities and destroyed her self-worth.
Mariam can only retrace her steps, identity and relationships in order to rekindle her actual self in this chaotic world, and she’ll become tougher with a strong shell.
3) The Fear Of Rejection
Mariam has been emotionally shunned by so many, and so she’s scared of rejection. It hurts her to see people leave. Sometimes she’s scared of being the root cause of a problem. She constantly compromised to fit other people’s demands. The fear of being unloved, however, leads to continuous betrayal, heartaches, disappointments, and toxic relationships.
4) The Fear Of Punishment
Mariam was exposed to harsh discipline as a child. Most of the time, from school, but also at home or church, even if they were not the worst of situations, they had a toll on her due to her fragility. She has been afraid of harsh punishments or being punished for bad behavior ever since. This stimulated and inspired her to live hypocritically, avoiding anything that might expose her as an awful person or engaging in illicit activities.
5) Constant Need For Justification
Mariam constantly has to justify her existence. She doesn't feel like she belongs here or deserves to be truly happy. Every day, she suffers from anxiety, believing that she does not fit into peer or social groups. She feels like a burden by even the slightest discomfort she encounters. So she strongly clutches on to some relationships or friendships in order to feel accepted or to justify her existence.
The truth is, she needs no justification. Mariam is an incredible gift from God, and she deserves everything in the world other than a lot of justification from people who genuinely couldn't stand her soul power if they had the chance.
Stop seeking validation from others, you have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself.~
What is the best piece of advise you could give Mariam? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.
Mariam could be you, me, or someone you know. It's time to face our anxieties and fight for our emotional and physical freedom. Avoidance will only temporarily displace these concerns and never resolve them. Accept that not everyone will adore you or care about your well-being. In our next post, we'll look at a few tips and strategies on how to stop being a people-pleaser.
Can’t wait! See you on my next post ✨
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